Coming home …

It’s been a month since I left the place where I rediscovered myself. Becoming that much closer to the "me" that I have always wanted to be.

 

A month since I left the place where stuff, like owning a fancy house, driving a tricked out car, having a camp, boat, snowmobile, motorcycle doesn’t matter. Fashion trends and designer labels don’t matter. The obsession with gadgets like ipods, iphones and ridiculous ring tones, don’t matter. 

No one cares about Beyonce, Rihana and Gaga. No one knows them anyway. The competition for big breasts squished into tiny over-priced-over-seas-sold-in-America outfits don’t matter. The over powering smell of expensive repulsive perfumes, hair sprays, fruity drinks, clacking heels, and bratty demanding I-want-McDonald’s-children-with their Mommy’s and their caked-on-lip-gloss-lips-smacking-gum, and acrylic nails destined to find themselves used as a scrolling tool on a touch screen, all make me cringe. Because they just don’t matter.

Never will I forget the places I walked. The house I built, the meals I ate, the friends I made, the lives I touched, the bed I slept it and the school I learned it. Mostly I will never forget the lives that touched mine. For it’s been a month and, yet more and more with each passing day I realize that all this "stuff" these "things" in my life are all very, very unimportant and unnecessary.

I love being among a people that gets it and gets me. The things we take for granted like having a home, with a toilet, and hot water, most of the people I met don’t even own their own homes. I can’t even begin to describe how modest of a shelter that it is. No one there spends their days redecorating…

The understand the blessing of having a job, no matter what the job is and doing it every day.  There are no sick days or paid vacations where I visited. The opportunity to attend school and become educated, most young people are working to contribute to the family and don’t have this chance, skipping school, dropping out that doesn’t enter their minds. 

A hot meal on the table once a day, every bite is consumed, nothing is wasted and no one turns up their nose because they didn’t like it. Clean clothes and a pair of shoes are a luxury. I met no one who had the ridiculous closet I had before I left. Proper health care is rare. Owning a car hmm I didn’t meet anyone who did.

I love my life here in the U.S.A. please don’t get me wrong, I have wonderful friends and magnificent family. I have a fun job working with amazing people who make me laugh.  I know that I am loved and respected and I love and respect them back. I have a home that I love, a nice car that runs. I have a puppy I cannot bear to be away from…BUT… It’s been a month. And all the things that drive me crazy are resurfacing.

I lived out of a suitcase in a teeny little room for a month and shared that space with a wonderful lady that I barely knew when I left. I realized that I don’t need half the crap that is stuffed in my house, my car, or in my pocketbook most days. I feel overwhelmed in my own home. 

I thought I had simplified my life by cleaning out my closet but I am just not satisfied. It’s time to dig a little deeper. Perhaps it’s more than the stuff that weighs so heavy on me.

I sat back for a moment today and thought about the day Julie and I arrived in San Pedro la Laguna. It was a three hour drive over narrow mountainous roadways that twist and turn to get there, then a 45 minute boat ride. When we arrived we had 5 suitcases. We looked like Sex in the City meets Guatemala. We were so far out of our element it wasn’t even funny. People just stopped and stared we really were quite a sight.

I feel the need lighten my load again. I need to continue to simplify my life and continue to find a way to keep that person closer that I found when I was in Guatemala. Holding on to that Jules is right where I need to be.

I planned on joining a fine team of individuals going to Nicaragua a few weeks from now but, when I returned from Guatemala I became extremely ill and had to back out. I have made the decision that I will be going to Nicaragua in October.

What happens between now and then should be a lot of hard work and perseverance. Keeping the balance with "who I want to be" and "where I am" is a challenge I am up for...